My farmer and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary just before harvest last year. Today I wanted to share my best advice about how to be a good farm wife for all of the new or soon to be farm wives out there.
What is it like to date a farmer?
When I met my husband in college, we went on two dinner dates and I was already falling hard. And it was a good thing, because our third date was in the lambing barn. From that point on our dates looked like pizza in a hay field, checking lambs at midnight, or riding the buddy seat in the combine. This was a good preview of what life as a farm wife would look like.
We of course had occasional nights out for a concert or to celebrate a wedding with friends, but much of our time together was dictated by the farm. I learned that farming is a lifestyle and not just a job. And I learned, rather slowly, to keep my boots in my car.
What does a farmer’s wife do?
The work of a farmer’s wife is really crucial to ever farm operation, but it looks different for every farming family. Many farm wives work a job off of the farm to provide insurance and additional income for the family. In many cases farm wives are responsible for managing the home by cooking and cleaning and caring for children in their husband’s absence. They support the farm by picking up parts, shuffling equipment from field to field, admin and bookkeeping tasks, and feeding the farm crew during busy seasons.
(Read my best tips for field meal planning and delivering field meals.)
Some farm wives contribute directly to the daily operation of the farm. Working alongside their spouse, these women manage and care for livestock, market and sell crops, and operate equipment. No matter what mix of tasks a farm wife takes on, it is safe to say that they play an important role in the success of the farm.
Is it hard being a farmer’s wife?
When I was a newlywed I looked forward to making and eating dinner with my husband at the end of the day. I didn’t realize his day didn’t end until 10 pm. Like seven days a week nine months a year. I got a similarly shocking reality check when our first daughter was born in early October. My husband was back in the combine the day after we brought her home.
Farming is definitely a more demanding job than most and because of that being a farmer’s wife comes with plenty of unique challenges. Solo-parenting, holidays on your own, birthdays in a corn field, constant mud and unknown stains; all my farm wives will know these struggles well. The key is managing expectations and knowing how to be flexible. Prioritize communication with your spouse and keep your priorities aligned. Remember to keep a sense of humor when things feel overwhelming or stressful.
The good news is there are numerous benefits to farming and it is important to take time to remember how lucky we are to be able to live this rural life with our spouse.
Benefits of Marrying a Farmer
My favorite thing about being married to a farmer is seeing my husband do the job he loves so much everyday. I love celebrating his successes and watching him chase his dream. I also love the history and legacy of living and working on a generational farm. Our kids are exposed to fresh air and nature and have a living example of entrepreneurship. I love that living on the farm allows us to be so close to our families. Farming has benefited our family in so many ways and I hope the same is true for yours!
How can I be a good Farm wife?
As the years have passed I’ve learned some really valuable farm wife lessons and I am definitely living up to decent farm wife at this point! I’ve listed out some actionable tips for being a good farm wife for all of the newly minted (or soon to be) farm wives out there.
- Develop a good record and filing system for all of the farm receipts.
- Get comfortable flying solo and saying no when you’re too busy. This gets harder when you have kids, but is even more important!
- Make time for your own hobbies.
- Create good systems for managing your home. There will be more laundry than you can imagine!
- Get to know where all of the farms, fields and barns are located.
- Go visit your farmer and participate when you can, and bring the kids!
- Be your farmer’s cheerleader. He has to make a lot of difficult decisions and it can be stressful in a job with little certainty. Let him know that you believe in him and have his back.
- Give yourself grace, no one is doing it all and you don’t have to either!
I’m so glad you joined me today and I just want to say if you’re newly married to a farmer or about to be, welcome to the club! We’re so glad to have you! I sincerely hope this was helpful or encouraging to you and would love to hear from you in the comments!
